Wow.. SO much has happened ever since my last post.. So one day, stupid me decided to tell him that he should give up on me cus at that time, I felt like my feelings for him were gone and I couldn't see him being anymore than a friend. I still remember that this was at 1 in the morning, and we were talking on aim like how we always did. He told me "well that's too bad for you, cus I'm falling for you." After this talk, he started to drift away.. He just wasn't the same guy that I first started talking to anymore. He seemed.. mean. When I first met him, he was a very caring and sweet guy that would watch out for my feelings. But this one day, this ONE day, he was PURPOSELY trying to get me mad. I seriously thought he didn't wanna talk to me anymore cus of what I told him. I thought he wanted me to get mad at him so that he'll have an excuse to stop talking to me for good. And he knew I was mad.. I think this was when he stopped saying goodmorning and goodnight to me. I honestly do miss the days he would tell me this.. About 3 or 4 days later, I told him that I miss our talks we would have every night. He didn't believe me. He didn't believe me cus I told him that I can't see him being anymore than friends just a few days ago and now I'm telling him I miss him?! Yes, I did. And I think the reason why was because I found out that I have become attached to him. How did I end up with this conclusion? The day when I thought he was purposely being mean to me, I actually got teary eyed. The very next day at around 9, I balled my eyes out. I have never, NEVER, cried over a guy before. He was the first. I don't quite remember exactly why I was crying so much.. I guess it was just cus I was hiding all my emotions inside of me and I couldn't hold them in any longer.. I went into the shower so that my parents wouldn't find out I was crying. I was SOBBING. And I couldn't stop.. I was reminiscing and thought about all the times we had pointless conversations that would make me happy.. I thought about the countless times he told me "I miss you wendylam.". I wanted to know, did he really mean that? Is he still thinking about me even after I told him that? I feel like this was the first time I cried cus of a guy.. But eventually, he told me he missed me too. He asked me why my feelings changed so quick and I told him that it never changed, I just never wanted to admit it. We started talking again after this. Everything went back to the way it used to be for I'd say.. 2 or 3 weeks.
But on the day of the championship game, I noticed that it seemed like he didn't wanna talk to me. He still said goodnight and goodmorning. It just didn't feel right tho.. He didn't talk to me for the whole day on Saturday, and I didn't talk to him cus I didn't wanna seem clingy. So on Sunday, it was the same. At the end of the day, I aimed him and asked why he wasn't talking to me. I don't remember what he said but all I can remember him saying was, "I like how I kinda stop talking to you, and you try to talk to me." This made me realize that he really was trying to get rid of me. Somewhere deep down, I thought this was his revenge. I thought maybe he was doing this cus I hurt him the first time so now he wants me to feel how he felt when I told him my feelings that one night. We stopped talking until Tuesday. He gave me his prom picture and the very same day, I texted him asking if he wanted a prom picture from me if Annie was gonna give him one. He said "do you even ask to ask?" On Tuesday, he sent me a link to Jason Chen's "Tong Hua" and we had a small talk. On Wednesday, I sent him a link to Joseph Vincent's new video. Small talk again.. On Thursday, I asked if he still wanted a letter from me. He said he did and I told him to find me the next day. I forgot to bring it yesterday.. I saw him at school before graduation rehearsals and told him that I forgot to bring it. When we were lining up, I saw him looking at me a few times cus our homeroom was across from each other. He didn't say hi to me or anything. Until the second time, he hit my head and I just looked at him.
After school, I hung out with Alex for almost 3 hours. About 2 hours in, Alex asked him if he wanted to come to SB. He went to Palega so we walked there from Lolocup. When we got there, we saw him playing ball alone. I gave him my insert to sign and he said he was gonna take it home. He also told me that he injured his thumb but I didn't believe him. Turns out he actually did. He wrote a few words too.. I felt bad for not believing him. He played for a while then sat down next to me, asking how me and the fob was, if I talked to him. I told him we don't talk anymore and he asked why. I told him that I don't ask him questions about his life so don't ask me about mine. Alex and I left about 10 mins later. And that was it.
I sorta wish he'd see this.. so he'll know that I miss him..
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